Can’t sleep again. Why me? On the gratitude side I carpet bombed this place with primo #dank memes for you all to wake up to. All of you who were lucky enough to sleep. The thought of your happy morning smiles is one of the things keeping me up. Well that and the slow grinding sound of my 40s rolling over another day while I listen in helpless #insomniac misery.
It could be worse. I could be a grandpa by now … I could be on my 2nd or 3rd spouse … I could have OD’d or gone to prison. But thank heavens no, here I am, huddled precariously close to the edge of my dog’s queen bed, regretting bitterly the abundant opportunities for dank that were squandered by my failure to install a meme generator on my phone long ago.
Where have the years gone? How did it come to this? Will I ever be picked up by a millionaire in a sports car as I stroll down the boulevard in my tightest mini skirt like I always dreamed? Why is there cum in my wig … I must be drifting to sleep, for there is happiness here in the carefree fragments of youth, fleeting like tweets that rush by as I scroll frantically searching … Searching for that one winning lottery ticket that is all I need to buy my dog her own bed, and a muscular house boy to massage me to sleep.